Introduction
Writing an obituary might be one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. You’re grieving, emotions are running high, and suddenly you’re tasked with summarizing someone’s entire life in a few paragraphs. It feels impossible, doesn’t it?
But here’s what I want you to know: you don’t need to be a professional writer to create a beautiful, meaningful obituary. You just need to understand the basic structure and approach it with love. Learning how to write an obituary is actually more straightforward than you might think.
In this guide, I’ll walk you through every step of the process. You’ll learn what information to include, how to structure your writing, where to publish it, and how to capture the essence of someone special. Whether you’re writing for a parent, spouse, friend, or another loved one, this article will help you create a tribute that truly honors their memory.
What Is an Obituary and Why Does It Matter?
An obituary is a public announcement of someone’s death. It typically appears in newspapers, on funeral home websites, and across social media platforms. But it’s much more than just a death notice.
Think of an obituary as a snapshot of a life lived. It tells the world who this person was, what they meant to others, and how they’ll be remembered. It serves several important purposes.
First, it informs the community about the death and funeral arrangements. Friends, former colleagues, and distant relatives often learn about a passing through an obituary. Second, it celebrates the deceased person’s life and achievements. Finally, it provides comfort to grieving family members by acknowledging their loss publicly.
According to funeral industry research, approximately 2.8 million people die in the United States each year. That means millions of families face the task of writing obituaries. You’re not alone in this challenge.
Essential Information Every Obituary Should Include
When you sit down to write an obituary, you’ll need specific information at your fingertips. Gathering these details beforehand makes the writing process much smoother.
Basic biographical information includes:
- Full name (including maiden name if applicable)
- Age at death
- Date of birth and date of death
- City or town of residence
- Place of birth
Personal details to consider:
- Education and degrees earned
- Career history and major achievements
- Military service
- Religious affiliations or spiritual beliefs
- Hobbies, passions, and interests
Family information:
- Spouse’s name
- Children’s names
- Parents’ names
- Siblings’ names
- Grandchildren and great-grandchildren
You should also note who predeceased the person. This means listing close family members who died before them. Many families find this detail comforting because it suggests a reunion in the afterlife.
Don’t forget practical information. Include details about memorial services, funeral arrangements, visiting hours, and burial locations. If the family prefers donations to a charity instead of flowers, mention that too.
How to Structure Your Obituary: A Step-by-Step Format
Now that you have your information ready, let’s talk about structure. Most obituaries follow a similar format, which makes them easier to write and read.
Opening Announcement
Start with a clear statement of death. You can use straightforward language or something more poetic, depending on your preference.
Simple examples include “passed away,” “died peacefully,” or “left this world.” Some families prefer phrases like “went home to be with the Lord” or “began their final journey.” Choose words that feel right for your loved one and your family’s beliefs.
A typical opening might read: “Sarah Elizabeth Thompson, 68, of Portland, Oregon, passed away peacefully on March 15, 2024, surrounded by her loving family.”
Life Summary
This section captures the essence of who the person was. You’re not writing a full biography here. Instead, focus on what made them special and unique.
Think about their character traits. Were they known for their kindness? Their sense of humor? Their dedication to family? Include one or two defining characteristics that people would immediately recognize.
Mention significant life events. This might include their marriage, career milestones, volunteer work, or personal achievements. You don’t need to list everything. Just highlight the moments that shaped their life and legacy.
Family Relationships
List surviving family members and those who predeceased them. The traditional order goes: spouse, children, parents, siblings, then extended family.
You can write this section in paragraph form or as a list. For example: “She is survived by her husband of 45 years, Robert Thompson; her children, Jennifer Wilson and Michael Thompson; and four beloved grandchildren.”
Some families choose to include pets, especially if they were important to the deceased. There’s no wrong choice here. Write what feels authentic to your family.
Service Information
Clearly state when and where memorial services will take place. Include the date, time, location, and any special instructions.
For example: “A celebration of life will be held on Saturday, March 20, at 2:00 PM at Riverside Community Church, 123 Main Street, Portland. The family welcomes all who knew and loved Sarah to attend.”
If services are private, simply note that. You might add: “A private family service will be held.”
Closing Details
End with any special requests or acknowledgments. This might include thanking hospital staff, requesting charitable donations, or sharing a meaningful quote.
Many families appreciate when you mention memorial contributions. For instance: “In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations to the American Heart Association in Sarah’s memory.”
Tips for Writing with Heart and Authenticity
The technical structure is important, but what really matters is capturing your loved one’s spirit. Here’s how to write an obituary that feels genuine and heartfelt.
Tell their story, not just their resume. Yes, mention their career and education, but don’t let it read like a LinkedIn profile. Include the details that made them human. Did they make the best chocolate chip cookies? Could they fix anything with duct tape? Did they never miss a grandchild’s soccer game?
Use specific examples. Instead of saying “she loved her family,” you might write “she never missed Sunday dinner with her children and grandchildren, where her famous lasagna was always the star of the table.”
Capture their voice. If your loved one had a favorite saying or a particular way of viewing the world, include it. This personal touch helps readers feel like they’re getting to know the real person.
Be honest but respectful. You don’t need to gloss over everything. If someone battled illness with courage, say so. If they faced challenges but persevered, that’s worth noting. Honesty makes obituaries more relatable and meaningful.
Consider their sense of humor. Some people would want their obituary to be serious and formal. Others would prefer something that makes people smile. When you write an obituary, think about what the deceased would have wanted.
Common Mistakes to Avoid
Even with the best intentions, it’s easy to make mistakes when writing under emotional stress. Here are pitfalls to watch out for.
Being too vague. Phrases like “wonderful person” or “great father” don’t tell us much. Be specific about what made them wonderful or great.
Including too much detail. While you want to be thorough, you don’t need to list every job they ever held or every organization they joined. Focus on the highlights.
Forgetting to proofread. Typos and errors are distracting. Ask someone else to review the obituary before you submit it. Fresh eyes catch mistakes you might miss.
Leaving out important people. Double check your family list. Accidentally omitting someone can cause hurt feelings during an already difficult time.
Missing deadlines. Newspapers and websites often have specific submission deadlines. Make sure you know when the obituary needs to be submitted.
Different Styles and Approaches
Not all obituaries need to look the same. You have options when deciding how to write an obituary that reflects your loved one’s personality.
Traditional Format
This approach sticks to the classic structure we discussed earlier. It’s formal, respectful, and straightforward. Many families prefer this style because it feels dignified and appropriate.
Celebration-of-Life Style
This format focuses more on celebrating the person’s life than mourning their death. The tone is often warmer and more upbeat. You might include funny anecdotes or favorite memories.
Letter Format
Some people write obituaries as if they’re letters to the deceased or from the deceased to readers. This creative approach can feel very personal and touching.
Brief Announcement
For those who prefer privacy or simplicity, a brief death notice with just basic information works fine. There’s no requirement to share extensive details if that doesn’t feel right.
Choose the style that fits your loved one’s personality and your family’s preferences. There’s no single “correct” way to do this.
Length Considerations and Practical Constraints
Obituary length varies depending on where you plan to publish it. Understanding these constraints helps you plan accordingly.
Newspaper obituaries often charge by the word or line. A typical newspaper obituary runs between 200 and 500 words. Some publications have maximum word counts regardless of what you’re willing to pay.
Online obituaries offer more flexibility. Funeral home websites and memorial sites usually don’t restrict length. You can write as much or as little as you want.
Many families now create both versions. They publish a shorter, paid obituary in the local newspaper and post a longer, more detailed version online. This approach gives you the best of both worlds.
If cost is a concern, focus on essential information for the printed version. You can always elaborate online where space is unlimited and free.
Where to Publish Your Obituary
Once you’ve written your obituary, you need to decide where to share it. You have several options available.
Local newspapers remain the traditional choice. They reach community members who might not see online announcements. Contact the newspaper’s obituary department for submission guidelines and pricing.
Funeral home websites typically offer free obituary posting as part of their services. They handle the formatting and publication for you. Many people find these sites through online searches.
Legacy websites like Legacy.com aggregate obituaries from multiple sources. These platforms have wide reach and often appear in search results.
Social media allows you to share obituaries with friends and family quickly. Facebook, in particular, has become a common place to announce deaths and share memorial information.
Church or organization newsletters might be appropriate if your loved one was active in those communities. This ensures their friends and fellow members receive the information.
Consider publishing in multiple places to reach different audiences. Each platform serves a unique purpose in spreading the word.
Working with Funeral Directors and Newspapers
You don’t have to handle everything alone. Funeral directors and newspaper staff can provide valuable assistance when you write an obituary.
Funeral directors have extensive experience with obituaries. They can guide you through the process, answer questions, and even help with writing if needed. Many funeral homes have obituary templates or worksheets to make gathering information easier.
They’ll also coordinate with newspapers on your behalf if you request it. This service can save you time and reduce stress during an overwhelming period.
Newspaper obituary departments understand that you’re dealing with grief. They’re usually patient and helpful. Don’t hesitate to ask questions about word counts, costs, photo requirements, or submission deadlines.
Most newspapers accept obituaries via email, phone, or their websites. They’ll review your submission and may suggest minor edits for clarity or space considerations.
How to Handle Sensitive Situations
Some deaths involve complicated circumstances. Writing an obituary becomes more challenging when you’re dealing with sensitive issues.
Sudden or unexpected deaths don’t require you to explain exactly what happened. You can simply state that the person “died unexpectedly” if you prefer privacy.
Suicide is increasingly mentioned honestly in obituaries as mental health awareness grows. Families might write “died by suicide” or “lost their battle with depression.” However, you’re under no obligation to share this information if it feels too personal.
Estranged family members present difficult decisions. You might choose to list them as survivors without elaboration, or you might omit them entirely. Consider what the deceased would have wanted.
Complicated family situations like multiple marriages or blended families require sensitivity. Focus on being inclusive and accurate. When in doubt, list people by their relationship without going into detailed history.
Remember, you’re writing to honor your loved one and inform the community. You don’t owe anyone a detailed explanation of private family matters.
Sample Obituary Templates
Sometimes seeing examples helps more than reading instructions. Here are two sample obituaries showing different approaches.
Traditional Example:
Margaret Ann Foster, 82, of Springfield, passed away peacefully on January 10, 2024, at Springfield General Hospital. She was born on May 3, 1941, in Boston, Massachusetts, to John and Elizabeth Sullivan.
Margaret graduated from Boston College in 1963 with a degree in education. She taught elementary school for 35 years, touching the lives of countless children. Colleagues and former students remember her patience, creativity, and unwavering belief that every child could succeed.
She married Thomas Foster in 1965, and they shared 58 wonderful years together. Margaret loved gardening, reading historical fiction, and hosting family gatherings at their lakeside cabin. She was an active member of First Presbyterian Church and volunteered weekly at the local food bank.
Margaret is survived by her husband, Thomas; her children, David Foster and Susan Palmer; five grandchildren; and two great-grandchildren. She was predeceased by her parents and her brother, Robert Sullivan.
A memorial service will be held on Saturday, January 15, at 11:00 AM at First Presbyterian Church. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Springfield Food Bank.
Celebration-of-Life Example:
Our beloved mother, grandmother, friend, and terrible cook, Dorothy “Dot” Henderson, 76, left us far too soon on February 2, 2024. Born in rural Oklahoma, Dot never lost her down-home charm, even after 50 years in the city.
Dot worked as a nurse for 40 years, but her real calling was making people laugh. She collected terrible jokes like some people collect stamps and wasn’t afraid to tell them at completely inappropriate moments. Her laugh was contagious, her hugs were legendary, and her meatloaf was questionable at best.
She loved her family fiercely, spoiled her six grandchildren shamelessly, and never met a stray animal she didn’t try to adopt. Dot volunteered at the animal shelter every Wednesday for 20 years, and the staff there became her second family.
She’s survived by her children, Robert and Michelle; her grandchildren, who will miss her surprise visits and cookie deliveries; her sister, Patty; and approximately 47 houseplants she rescued and named.
Join us for a celebration of Dot’s life on February 8 at 2:00 PM at Riverside Community Center. Wear something colorful because Dot never owned anything beige. Share your favorite Dot story, and bring tissues because we’ll all need them.
These examples show how different two obituaries can be while still covering essential information. Choose the style that feels right for your situation.
Preserving Your Loved One’s Legacy Beyond the Obituary
An obituary is just the beginning of preserving someone’s memory. Consider these additional ways to honor their legacy.
Create a memorial website where family and friends can share photos, stories, and memories. Sites like MyKeeper or ForeverMissed offer free platforms for this purpose.
Compile a memory book with contributions from people who knew your loved one. Ask for written memories, photos, and mementos. This becomes a treasured keepsake for family members.
Consider establishing a scholarship or annual donation in their name. This creates an ongoing legacy that helps others.
Plant a memorial tree or garden. Many families find comfort in having a living tribute they can visit and tend.
Record oral histories from family members who have stories to share. These recordings become invaluable as years pass and memories fade.
The obituary announces the death, but these lasting tributes keep the memory alive for generations to come.
Conclusion
Learning how to write an obituary doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Start with the basic structure, gather your information, and write from the heart. Remember that you’re creating a final tribute that honors someone special.
There’s no perfect obituary. What matters is that it reflects the person you loved and provides comfort to those who are grieving. Take your time, ask for help when you need it, and trust that the words you choose will be meaningful.
Whether you opt for traditional or creative, long or brief, formal or casual, your obituary will serve its purpose: telling the world about a life that mattered. And that’s the most important thing you can do.
What stories about your loved one do you want to make sure are remembered? Sometimes starting with that simple question makes everything else fall into place.
Frequently Asked Questions
How long should an obituary be?
Newspaper obituaries typically run 200 to 500 words due to cost and space constraints. Online obituaries can be any length you choose. Most families aim for enough detail to paint a clear picture without overwhelming readers. Focus on quality over quantity.
Who traditionally writes the obituary?
Usually, a close family member writes the obituary, often the spouse or adult child. However, anyone close to the deceased can take on this responsibility. Some families collaborate, with multiple people contributing information and memories. Funeral directors can also help or write it entirely if needed.
How much does it cost to publish an obituary?
Newspaper costs vary widely, ranging from $200 to over $1,000 depending on length and publication. Urban newspapers typically charge more than rural ones. Online obituaries through funeral homes are usually free. Legacy websites offer both free and premium options with additional features.
Should I include the cause of death?
This is entirely your choice. Many families include phrases like “after a long illness” or “died peacefully.” You’re not required to provide specific details. If the death was particularly tragic or involved suicide, sharing this information has become more common but remains optional based on family comfort.
Can I edit an obituary after it’s published?
Online obituaries can usually be edited through the funeral home or website administrator. Newspaper obituaries cannot be changed once printed, though some papers publish corrections if there are significant errors. Always proofread carefully before submission to avoid this issue.
Do I need to list every family member?
You decide which family members to include. Most obituaries list immediate family and sometimes close extended family. If you have a very large family, you might use phrases like “her many loving nieces and nephews” rather than naming each person individually.
How quickly should an obituary be published after death?
Most obituaries appear within a few days to a week after death, ideally before the funeral service. This timing allows the announcement to inform people about services. However, there’s no strict deadline. Publish when you’re ready and have gathered the necessary information.
Should I include photos with the obituary?
Photos make obituaries more personal and help people recognize the deceased. Most publications accept photos, though newspapers may charge extra. Choose a clear, flattering photo that represents how you want your loved one remembered. Recent photos work well, though some families prefer pictures from earlier years.
What if my loved one had no family?
Obituaries for people without close family can focus more on friendships, career achievements, community involvement, and personal passions. Friends, neighbors, or even funeral directors often write these obituaries. The obituary can note that the person is survived by their community of friends.
Can obituaries be humorous or unconventional?
Absolutely. Many people want their obituaries to reflect their personality and sense of humor. If your loved one was funny, creative, or unconventional, an obituary in that style honors them authentically. Just ensure the tone matches what the deceased would have wanted and what brings comfort to surviving family members.
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